34 weeks: hey santa?

TJ and I have been discussing lately what we plan on doing with the whole Santa issue with our kids. We know that our parents and other family members will want to play up Santa, but we aren't sure about it because we want to make sure that our kids know the real reason for Christmas. It's no simple task to tell your children that Santa doesn't exist, though, because all the other kids will be talking about Santa once they get to school. I was one of those jerks in first grade who told others that Santa didn't exist, and I would hate for our kids to be like that. And how do you explain all the Santa decorations around peoples' houses?

My vision for Christmas is for our family to go out together every year to pick out gifts to donate to children who are less fortunate. I would love for our kids to be able to think about others and put aside their own desires at the toy store so they can bless another kid their age. But how do you incorporate Santa into that vision? How do you explain why Santa doesn't go to those kids' houses?

I would love to hear other Christian parents' advice on this topic because it's really important to us to focus on Jesus rather than the greed that so easily infects kids around the holidays. This isn't an easy decision to make, but thank God, we have another year until we have to deal with it. I don't quite have a satisfactory answer yet, but all I know is what some friends and mentors have told us to keep in the back of our minds about any decision: What are your family values, and what decision will be consistent with those values?

When it comes to the Christmas holiday, our family values are to enjoy time with family and to bless others. Jesus has to be at the center of everything we do, and during the Christmas season, that will be even more important to keep in mind as the focus of Christmas can too easily be about presents and busyness.

32 weeks

Our little "nursery" in the corner of our room. It's quite cozy!

So we bought our crib a few weeks ago, and TJ was going to put it together that night. But when we opened the box, the backboard piece had a few huge scratches in it! So I called the company, and they said they would mail us a new piece. So we waited patiently and got that piece about two weeks later. TJ opened that box and got ready, for the second time, to put the crib together, and this piece was scratched too! I was so upset. The scratches were not as bad on the second piece, so we decided to just go with it.

TJ put about 75% of the crib together, and then he realized that he had switched a left and a right pole. So he basically would have to take apart everything and start at the beginning. He was so frustrated! At that point, it was 10:30 at night, so I told him he had to wait until the next day to do it.

Anyway, as you can see, the crib is finished! We bought a cute mobile, and thanks to my lovely sister in law Amber, we had some cute stickers to put on the wall. I'll tell you what, if this boy doesn't grow up to love animals... well, let's just say, he is most likely going to either love animals or hate them based on the exorbitant amounts of animal prints he is going to see around him.

I'm at 32 weeks. Baby and Mom are both healthy, so I can't complain too much. I've been having some pain that the midwife said is probably caused by a varicose vain. It is painful to walk most of the time and to switch to my other side when sleeping. I'm 1.5 lbs heavier than I wish I was right now, since my goal is to gain no more than the recommended 30 lbs.

30 weeks: Baby Shower #1

So I haven't written in a while, but I figured I should post something about my baby shower. While this picture looks quite bare, I promise there was a baby shower here before this picture was taken!

No, the shower was not completely a surprise, and here's why... I had asked ahead of time that the shower not be a surprise, just because I have been super busy and really wanted to plan around it. My mom wanted it to be a surprise, so she didn't want to tell me when it was, which I was actually going to accept, but I wanted to explain how I felt first. While explaining my feelings, I got a little hormonal and cried. She thought I was really upset, so she blurted out the date. So I knew the date, but I did not know the location or the time.

Anyway, the shower was a really nice time. I was really touched by everyone who showed up to celebrate our baby boy. We got to see some friends we haven't seen in a while, and we got some really great gifts. It was particularly meaningful for me to spend some time celebrating our baby and just feeling support from everyone during this huge change in life.

As I've grown older, I now realize how important it is to support friends and family during these big changes in life. Support from others makes this whole thing a lot less scary and overwhelming. I know our son will be well loved, and for that, I am so thankful.

27 weeks: Childbirth Fears

(My dad and me at my cousin's wedding last weekend)

So last night we went to our baby checkup class, and I was given a consent form that basically laid out all the risks involved in childbirth and what the hospital might do. I guess they like to cover their bases in case something goes wrong. What the form doesn't say is that the risks on the form are not something that happens to every woman or even a lot of women.

Here is the basis of what the form said, from my point of view:

1. We might need to cut you down there, and we probably won't tell you that we're doing it. This may cause you infection, pain during sex, or incontinence. Oh, and you could tear more after we cut you, and it might cut into your rectum.
2. We might need to stick forceps or a vacuum up you to pull the baby's head out. This might damage your child's head or brain permanently.
3. There's basically no point in refusing to sign this form because we doctors know a lot more than you and can and will, therefore, take advantage of you and your health insurance provider.

WHAT?!! You want me to sign this?

This is the first time I freaked out about childbirth. I've always figured that it's a natural thing that women have been doing since the beginning of time. If they can do it, I can do it. But last night, I started thinking, if they can cut me down there, and I don't feel anything, how much pain must I already be in?! My mind started going through all the physical pain that I've experienced in my lifetime, and I tried to imagine all of those physical pains happening all at once. Yep, it's going to hurt worse than that. Oh crap, why didn't we adopt? I knew we should have thought this through a little more.

Furthermore, this consent form, while it presents the extreme cases of things that could go wrong, shows me just how much this isn't in my control. Now I understand why they say to be flexible about your birth plan.

I wish I had some kind of nice conclusion to this, but I think it's just a normal emotion that all pregnant women must go through at some point. I just happened to pick a bad time, namely, during prenatal yoga exercises at a baby class. The only nice conclusion-y thing I can say is that while this whole thing isn't in my control, it IS in God's control. So after I go through my freak out phase, I will be comforted in knowing that God is going to get me through childbirth safely and bring our beautiful boy into the world.

What I Want To Teach My Son: 26 Weeks

My 10 year old cousin asked me recently what is the first thing I'm going to teach my baby. I didn't have a good answer at the time because I haven't thought about the things I would teach my son when he's a baby, but I've thought extensively about what I want to teach my son when he's older.
 
Here are a few of those things:

1. The world doesn't revolve around you. You can't have everything you want. You can't get all the attention all the time.
2. Love God. Love others. Put others before yourself. Be loving, be giving, be kind.
3. Respect others. Respect your parents. Respect older people. And when it comes time to address this, respect women.
4. Be strong. Stand up for your beliefs. Don't give in to others when they are doing something you know is wrong.
5. Be hard working. Try your best at everything you do. Have dreams and go for them. Take every opportunity.
6. Be amazed by the world's beauty. Appreciate nature. Appreciate good music. Appreciate laughter.
7. Be honest. Keep your promises. Do not steal. Do not hit others. 
8. You are not better than anyone else. It doesn't matter what color their skin is, how smart they are or aren't, if they're good or bad at sports or music, or if they are good looking or not. And on the flip side, no one else is better than you. You might think someone else is better looking or a better athlete, but that doesn't take away from who you are.

It's a short list, but I know these are lofty goals. I pray for my son all the time, and I pray that God will equip TJ and me to be good parents. And I know that God is going to honor that request because that's what He desires too, even though I know we will not be perfect and definitely will mess up on multiple occasions.

I fear my children making bad decisions in the future. Not the kind that just have sucky consequences you have to deal with and learn lessons from, but the serious kind. It doesn't help that I'm reading a book about a school shooting that speaks mostly from the shooter's mother's perspective. BUT in all this fear, I know that God is sovereign, and that my son is His child, first and foremost. I have some more awesome stuff to say about that, but I'll save that for later. For now, I'll just say that our God is good, and I know that when I pray for my son's future salvation in Christ, God is going to honor that because that's what He desires, too.

22 weeks

Here I am at 22 weeks at the Philly Zoo. I'm starting to get really big! About a week ago, I was changing my clothes and happened to look in the mirror, and GASP! I saw stretch marks. Right across my belly. There goes my dreams of wearing a bikini every again! Other changes that have been occurring are my feet swelling. I especially noticed it today after walking around the zoo for the entire day. My feet just don't seem to fit in my sneakers anymore! I'm waiting for people I interact with at the post office and places like that to notice that I'm pregnant and ask me about it in an excited tone. Maybe people don't do that in real life, for fear of offending someone who looks pregnant but actually isn't. But the fact that people aren't asking me about it makes me feel like they just think I'm getting fat. haha!

So here's the question we are getting all the time now: "have you thought about baby names?" The answer is, yes, we have. But I would really like to keep it a secret until his birth. TJ doesn't necessarily agree with that, but he's been sweet about it and is willing to comply. That being said, we aren't going to tell you the baby's name unless you fall under one of these categories:

a. our mom

b. our dad

c. our sister

d. our brother

And hey, maybe I'll change my mind further along, but for now, you will just have to wait for the surprise!

Choosing a baby name is an interesting process. My problem was that I had a bit of an inkling that it was a boy, and I was calling him, in my head, this name that I really liked that TJ had said he really liked too. So by the time we actually had to discuss what we would name him, I was already stuck on this name. Also, I know our baby better than TJ does at this point, so TJ would suggest some names that I just vetoed, not because it wasn't a nice name, but because I just knew that wasn't who our son is. We kept getting offended when we suggested a name that the other person didn't like, even though it's not really anything personal. And TJ suggested some names that I said we had to google image that name to see what ethnicity people of that name were. (I can't think of any good examples, though.) Anyway, the name we finally landed on was the result of insomnia. We made the mistake of discussing baby names right before bed, and then I couldn't sleep because I didn't feel settled. I paired every boy name I could think of with the first name we had already chosen, and after I came up with a good name, I finally fell asleep. And the next day, we decided that it was the perfect name!

20.5 weeks: Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

I recently read about this guy Nick Vujicic, a 29 year old man who was born without arms or legs. His parents had no idea that he was going to come out like that, so when the nurse laid him beside his mother, she said, "Take him away." She didn't hold him until he was four months old. His father had to leave the delivery room to vomit. It was a huge test to his parents' faith, who were both Christians. Now Nick is a motivational speaker, who travels the world preaching the gospel and the goodness of God, above your circumstances. People are so touched by his story and his attitude about his life, and it's just the most inspiring thing to see him testify about Jesus and never let anything hold him back from living a full life.

When I heard his story, my thoughts went instantly to his parents. In the difficulties of having a son with such a handicap, how could they have possibly known what God would do with Nick's life and how He would use Nick to inspire millions of people? They didn't know. They could have given him up for adoption. They could have told him he couldn't do anything due to his handicap. But they didn't. They raised their son the best way they could, focusing on the things that he could do instead of what he couldn't, and they trusted God with the rest.

Nick's story is a reminder of Psalm 139, which has been really striking me these days as I think of my own son. "You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made." God is knitting together my son right now in my womb. My son is fearfully and wonderfully made. It's scary to bring a child into this world when there are so many challenges that could arise, but if God is knitting my son together, then there's no way to go wrong. Now I have seen my son's arms and legs, so we won't have that particular struggle, but who knows whether our son will develop autism. Who knows whether he will get cancer. Only the Lord knows.

His promise isn't that we will have a good looking son, who is intelligent, athletic, and will become a dentist someday (as per his mother's request). His promise is that He, personally, has knit together my son. My son is fearfully and wonderfully made by our Father God. I only know my son in a very limited manner right now. But God knows everything about my son. And in that truth, I can rest knowing that my sovereign God is knitting together something Good (yes, with a capital G).