30 weeks: Baby Shower #1

So I haven't written in a while, but I figured I should post something about my baby shower. While this picture looks quite bare, I promise there was a baby shower here before this picture was taken!

No, the shower was not completely a surprise, and here's why... I had asked ahead of time that the shower not be a surprise, just because I have been super busy and really wanted to plan around it. My mom wanted it to be a surprise, so she didn't want to tell me when it was, which I was actually going to accept, but I wanted to explain how I felt first. While explaining my feelings, I got a little hormonal and cried. She thought I was really upset, so she blurted out the date. So I knew the date, but I did not know the location or the time.

Anyway, the shower was a really nice time. I was really touched by everyone who showed up to celebrate our baby boy. We got to see some friends we haven't seen in a while, and we got some really great gifts. It was particularly meaningful for me to spend some time celebrating our baby and just feeling support from everyone during this huge change in life.

As I've grown older, I now realize how important it is to support friends and family during these big changes in life. Support from others makes this whole thing a lot less scary and overwhelming. I know our son will be well loved, and for that, I am so thankful.

27 weeks: Childbirth Fears

(My dad and me at my cousin's wedding last weekend)

So last night we went to our baby checkup class, and I was given a consent form that basically laid out all the risks involved in childbirth and what the hospital might do. I guess they like to cover their bases in case something goes wrong. What the form doesn't say is that the risks on the form are not something that happens to every woman or even a lot of women.

Here is the basis of what the form said, from my point of view:

1. We might need to cut you down there, and we probably won't tell you that we're doing it. This may cause you infection, pain during sex, or incontinence. Oh, and you could tear more after we cut you, and it might cut into your rectum.
2. We might need to stick forceps or a vacuum up you to pull the baby's head out. This might damage your child's head or brain permanently.
3. There's basically no point in refusing to sign this form because we doctors know a lot more than you and can and will, therefore, take advantage of you and your health insurance provider.

WHAT?!! You want me to sign this?

This is the first time I freaked out about childbirth. I've always figured that it's a natural thing that women have been doing since the beginning of time. If they can do it, I can do it. But last night, I started thinking, if they can cut me down there, and I don't feel anything, how much pain must I already be in?! My mind started going through all the physical pain that I've experienced in my lifetime, and I tried to imagine all of those physical pains happening all at once. Yep, it's going to hurt worse than that. Oh crap, why didn't we adopt? I knew we should have thought this through a little more.

Furthermore, this consent form, while it presents the extreme cases of things that could go wrong, shows me just how much this isn't in my control. Now I understand why they say to be flexible about your birth plan.

I wish I had some kind of nice conclusion to this, but I think it's just a normal emotion that all pregnant women must go through at some point. I just happened to pick a bad time, namely, during prenatal yoga exercises at a baby class. The only nice conclusion-y thing I can say is that while this whole thing isn't in my control, it IS in God's control. So after I go through my freak out phase, I will be comforted in knowing that God is going to get me through childbirth safely and bring our beautiful boy into the world.