So on Monday, I started doing the Whole 30. I committed to 30 days of no grains, no dairy, no sugar. This journey is a long time coming for me because I have been convicted for quite some time about my eating habits, and it's just so hard to make a change.
After I had Blake, I dealt with a long, difficult ductal yeast infection. Breastfeeding was so painful that I would scream out in agony every time Blake ate. Everything I read about said to minimize sugar intake, but I just struggled to make the change. Mama likes her pasta! But then came the awful guilt trips because when I was in pain, I blamed myself. I had the remedy to make it better, but I kept NOT changing my diet! Then after I had Malcolm, I was terrified of having that yeast again. I actually did have it. In my c-section wound, the *cough* typical area, and in my breast. Thankfully, it was short lived. But God really began working on my heart... I joined a Facebook group for psoriasis support and found out that diet has a lot to do with auto-immune diseases. Annnd the guilt trips began again. If I changed my diet, it could help my psoriasis. But I didn't, and I suffered.
But the psoriasis support group has taught me a lot about which foods are acidic and inflammation-causing. And how psoriasis can get worse if you don't do something about it. And how GOOD you feel when you eat REAL food. These people were healing, and they were thriving.
Why should changing my diet be so damn hard? Of course changing habits is always hard... but I had a serious heart issue. I started experiencing even more guilt now because I knew it wasn't just a cause and effect food issue... I was abusing food and myself. I binge ate when I got stressed. I binge ate just because there was a certain food that I "just can't say no to." I would go to a restaurant, convinced that I would order the taco salad... but I would convince myself that I HAD to get a combo platter instead. Because everyone else was. And then I felt guilty. Because I knew better. I know that certain foods are bad for me. They are not life giving.
That's a phrase that God put on my heart. As with every decision we make, some bring life and some do not. Why wouldn't I choose life?
So I want better for my kids. That's why I really want to change our habits now. My brother is a big inspiration to me because he eats super healthy, avoiding sugar most of the time, and he is super healthy. He enjoys a good meal, but eating is not happiness to him. Why does eating mean so damn much to me?!
Anyway, this is part of the reason WHY I am doing Whole 30. For me, this is about a lot more than just losing weight, feeling better physically, and changing habits. This is a heart issue. Because I really, really like to eat. Much more than I should. And since this is a heart issue for me, I NEED to remember during this journey, especially during the difficult moments of temptation, that I need to be evaluating my heart. And I want to share this journey with you because I'm hoping to inspire others to evaluate their hearts and evaluate their plates. The food industry is seriously messed up, and we need to stop being ignorant to the results of sugar and chemicals in our bodies before it's too late.
What does my life mean without cheese? Is my life any less fulfilling? I love cheese, but I HAVE to know that I am okay without it. What's that quote from Cool Runnings? "Cheese is a wonderful thing. But if you aren't enough without it, you'll never be enough with it." Something like that. ;-)
