Well, as you may or may not realize, I am not a man. Which makes me neither husband nor father. But I feel led to give some thoughts on the topic because I see a lot of different ways of being a husband/father. I've seen men that I'm thankful are not my husband because the way they like to live life is so different from what works for me. I wouldn't be happy in some of those relationships, but it works for those couples! The moral of the story is (or should I wait to tell the moral? I don't know, I'm a terrible storyteller!), you have to find what dynamic and roles work for BOTH of you as a couple. If the wife feels abandoned because the husband often goes out with friends and leaves her home with the children, it doesn't work for that couple because the wife isn't happy. If you don't mind if your husband is gone a lot, then I guess that's fine, even though I can't even begin to understand that.
As for my story pertaining to said topic, my son doesn't sleep well. I find myself getting up with him at least five times a night. For a month or so, I cried every day to my husband that I was so tired, and I couldn't go on the way things were. And night after night, he just stayed in bed while I got up with Blake. He justified it to himself that he had to wake up for work, so he shouldn't have to get up with Blake. And while this is true and the reason that I didn't ever outright ask for help, TJ realized one day that he was not being Christ-like in our marriage. He was not sacrificing for my sake. In our marriages, God has told the men that they must love their wives like Christ loves the church. This is a tall order for men! If you are a Christ follower, it is very sobering to consider getting up on a cross and dying for your family daily. But if you are a Christ follower, it's NECESSARY. When TJ realized that he was not being Christ-like in this area of our lives, he apologized to me. He desired to change his heart so that he could bless me with more sleep.
No man is perfect, of course. But I have seen a lot of change in TJ recently as he tries to help out, and I've also seen change in me. When I know that TJ is willing to help, it makes me more apt to fulfill my role in our marriage and taking care of Blake. I am more joyful about my role when I know that TJ is there to support me. I'm also more in love with my husband when I feel his support! When TJ comes home from work, he tries to take Blake and give me a few minutes for a shower or whatever. When there's a diaper to be changed, he often will offer to take care of it so that I can have a break from diaper changes. Ladies, I do not mean to say that if your husband is not doing these things, he is a bad man. But if you lack sleep and are barely functioning because your baby doesn't sleep well, and if you never get a break from diapers and childcare, it's a good chance to consider, with your husband, how are you both doing at being Christ-like towards each other? It isn't something you can accusingly throw at your husband, but it's something to pray about, and it's something to remind you that if you need help, your husband, as the head of your family, should be there to offer support. You aren't wrong to ask for help. You aren't wrong to ask that he be around more often.
I'm pretty certain there are no men reading this, but this is a challenge for all the husbands and fathers out there. Being a husband and a father is not something to be taken lightly. It's not something to just do when you feel like it. It's not enough for a man to go to work and come home, eat and sleep. In a marriage, both husband and wife need to question, what can I do to bless my spouse today? Will it sometimes mean that you don't get to do the thing you want to do? Yes. Is this what God intended for marriage and parenthood? Yes.
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