breastfeeding woes

while it may be inappropriate to say the word nipple on facebook, this is my private blog, and i can say whatever i want. nipple. nipple. nipple. by the way, i am writing from my phone again, so there will be no capital letters in this entry.

ten months ago, i wrote that breast might not be best for me. but thankfully, this did not turn out to be true. blake and i enjoyed a wonderful breastfeeding relationship for six months. i loved breastfeeding so much and was so thankful that we had not had any issues.

then, in august i started to feel sharp pain when blake would eat. turns out, i got a yeast infection in my breast. we could not put blake in his cloth diapers because they rubbed his inner thigh, and the yeast liked to congregate there. with treatment, the infection seemed to go away, so i tried blake in his cloth diapers again. bam! the yeast came back with a vengence.

here we are, four months later still dealing with this awful infection. the treatment that worked before is not working now. the pain is unbearable, and my nipples hardly look like nipples anymore.

so the question has returned: is breast best for us now? or do i have to consider weaning blake? my mom says blake will be alright without my milk, but i might not be okay. it is hard for me to deal with this though because i'm a bit of a hippie, and i would like to continue breastfeeding for quite a while yet. it has been one of the most holy experiences of my life to sustain my baby with my body. i don't want to give it up, but for the sake of my health, this might be the best way to go. i am so heartbroken about it, but i have to kick this yeast, first and foremost! blake needs a healthy mom more than he needs momma's milk.