a love song

You have changed me. From the moment I found out that you were growing inside of me, something changed. My body wasn't just about me anymore. When I felt you stirring and moving, I felt awestruck in a way that I have never experienced before. When I experienced aches and pains because you were getting big, I had to remind myself that you were going to be worth it. And you were. I waited a long time for you. You grew in my body and did not want to leave (and you are still attached to my hip!). I forced you out against your will and ended up with surgery. But you came out one way or another, and you cried a lot. You didn't sleep quite as much as a newborn was supposed to. And you continued to have sleeping issues for A LONG TIME. You made me more exhausted and more elated than I had ever been in my entire life.

I have seen beautiful things in this world in Paris, London, Rome, and Venice. But nothing compares to how beautiful you are. Your eyes are so bright and full of wonder. Your body is so tiny and cuddly. Your laugh is the most infectious thing. I wish I could bottle it up to reminisce on your graduation day and your wedding day. I wish I could bottle up your hugs and kisses to save for a day when you no longer want to be attached to my hip.

You have made my heart grow bigger. You have made me care about some things more and some things less. You have made me grow in respect for what I am capable of and what my body is capable of. Growing you and nourishing you with my breasts for the first 16 months of your life has been the most holy experience and has made me more in awe of God's design than ever before.

Seeing you run around the yard, putting puzzles together, climbing stairs all by yourself makes me realize time is moving too quickly. So I will let you nap on me until you get too impossibly heavy to accommodate.  I will welcome your distraction from my tasks so we can just enjoy giggling together. I will not be annoyed when you grab onto my leg when I am trying to do my Wii Fit exercise. I will not stress that you aren't talking yet because you are already growing up too quickly. I will not try to force you to "measure up" to the other kids your age because you move at your own pace, and you are your own person. I wouldn't want you to be anyone else. You beat to your own drum, just like your mom and dad.

Soon you will have a new brother or sister, and I will be busy taking care of the demands of a baby. But it will not lessen my love for you or my fierce desire to spend time with just you and me. It will never lessen, no matter how many "I hate you, Mom"s, "I am quitting college to be a musician"s, or "I don't want to raise my kids the same way you did"s that you may throw at me. This new brother or sister of yours might mean that we don't get quite as much time together just me and you. But you, along with your brother or sister, will be my most precious treasures, and I will always value you more than you may ever understand.