12 weeks

It's been a while since I've written, but I have been just way too exhausted and stressed to write. I'm at 12 weeks now, but not much has changed. I am definitely still just as tired, but, on the brighter side, less nauseous.

Work has been very stressful due to Mrs. Cho... Mrs. Cho is my boss's friend who has come to help out for a few weeks. What is she helping out with? Cooking and cleaning. The problem with this is that it has rendered me useless. At  first I felt stressed because there was nothing for me to do since she took over all my normal jobs (even though she wasn't supposed to). But it turned into her ordering me around and not thinking that I did things fast enough. ANYWAY my point is, I've been stressed, but she is leaving on Wednesday, and then cooking and cleaning is my turf again. (Wait, why do I want her to leave?!)

I don't know if it's the stress or the hormones or a combination of the two, but I have been so emotional and anxious lately. I think it's just that now that I'm in my second trimester, this is all becoming so much more real. I'm a little scared, I have to admit. So I focus my anxious energies on worrying that there isn't enough space for a baby in our apartment. I will still maintain that this may be actually true, BUT I can confess that I am just a little overly stressed.

Prime example--one night when we were about to get ready for bed, I started freaking out that we had too much stuff and no room for a baby. So I cleaned off the bottom shelf of our DVD bookshelf, and then I felt like I could breathe because now there was room. While it was a little crazy, my intentions were good. I really do feel like we have too much stuff, and I just don't want to feel so self-centered by having so much stuff. Over the next week, TJ and I went through some of our clothes and books and DVDS and picked out some things to donate. It's a start, anyway. We are not only preparing our apartment to make room for a baby, we are preparing our hearts for a huge change in our lives, and I can think of no better way to start than by putting ourselves aside and learning to put our baby first. And in all of it, we're learning to trust God in newer and bigger ways.