blake makes his debut... reluctantly

Blake Samuel Rieger

Born 2/12/13 at 10:35 PM. 7 lbs 13 oz. 20 inches.

I must preface this story by saying that, at first, this story will not sound very uplifting at all. But as you can see from the above picture, there is a happy ending! It just goes to show you that even a story that starts with the word "induction" and has the word "c-section" in the middle is beautiful because it ends with the words "beautiful baby boy."

As previously mentioned, I was not too happy about being induced, but we were tired of waiting for Blake, so on Monday at noon, we went for my induction. The midwife suggested, since I was hoping for a more natural birth, that we start by inserting a balloon in my cervix to encourage it to dilate. She said that in 6-8 hours, I would be dilated 4 cm. By the end of 6 hours, I was so uncomfortable with these random tubes coming out of me down there. Then a nurse and the new midwife on duty came in and happened to mention the words "12 hours." Apparently this procedure actually takes 12 hours, not 6-8. Hmm... good to know. By 1 AM, exactly 12 hours after start time, I went to the bathroom thinking I had to poop, and instead, I pooped a balloon out of my vagina. What a weird feeling. The good news was that I was dilated 5-6 cm at that point! I was so excited.

The next step (starting at 1ish Tuesday morning) was the pitocin, which pretty much confined me to the bed, save a few bathroom trips in which wires had to be unplugged and IV units dragged to the bathroom with me. The contractions quickly became painful, and I hadn't intended on getting an epidural, but since I was already confined to the bed and thus wasn't able to do any natural coping methods, I opted for the epidural. I got kind of loopy as it took its effects and started talking about my tingly legs and ponies. Anyway, the epidural allowed me not to feel any pain at all, so I slept the day away.

Just before 6 PM, the midwife told me I was finally 10 cm and could start pushing. I was pushing pretty well and after a half an hour or so, the nurse said that they could see some of Blake's head. TJ told me that he saw it and that Blake had dark hair like mine. That was all the motivation I needed to push harder. So I pushed and pushed, but there didn't seem to be any progress. I kept telling them I needed to know if we were getting closer, and they kept giving me the same answer--that Blake's head needed to descend into the pelvis. Which didn't sound like anything had happened at all. So I pushed for three hours until I started crying that I couldn't do it anymore. Which leads us to the dreaded words... c-section.

They made my mom leave shortly after 9 PM as they got me ready for the c-section. She had to wait in the lobby. But it wasn't until almost 10 that they took me in the O.R. It was the scariest thing I have ever been through. They wheeled me into the brightest room I had ever seen, and there were so many nurses and doctors in there. I had been dealing with nausea all day, so the first thing I did was lean over the table and throw up medicine (that I had been given so I wouldn't have nausea). They set me all up and then put a tent around my head so I couldn't see, and then TJ was allowed in to be with me. I could feel a significant amount of pressure as they worked on me, so I was terrified that I would feel a knife cutting me. The doctor assured me that this wasn't the case, and that they had already started working. The procedure was very short, and then there it was... my baby's first cry. I couldn't see him, but I heard him, and that was enough to melt away the awful past two days. I instantly said to myself, none of that matters now.

I was pretty messed up after the procedure so they took me to a recovery room where they worked on me. I don't really remember any of it except that I kept trying to talk but couldn't get words out. Once I was a little better, the nurses brought Blake over to meet me. I couldn't hold him, but I got to kiss him and tried to breastfeed for the first time. And by breastfeed I mean, I laid there while the nurses got Blake to latch. If only it were that easy all the time... but more on that later.

We got to our hospital room at 1:30 AM Wednesday. I don't really recall the details of that first night with Blake except that I didn't get to hold him until the next day. But he was well worth the wait. He's the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

Anyway, to summarize a long story... nothing about my labor and delivery went according to what I would have hoped, but none of that matters now. All I know is that I now am the mother of the most beautiful and healthy boy in the entire world (other mothers, it's okay if you disagree). And out of all the things I asked God for during my pregnancy, that was the most important one. So thank you, God, for this miracle of life. May our family bring you glory!

almost 41 weeks: nonstress?

Well, here I am at almost 41 weeks (not the best pic of me, but it is what it is). I'm so tired all the time, and my body is even more uncomfortable, which I didn't think was possible a few weeks ago! It has been hard to keep waiting because we are so excited to meet him. I spent the last few weeks trying to induce labor through different means, and it has only gotten me more frustrated because it hasn't worked. It turned into a means to try to control the situation, and it's just not possible to control this. People keep saying things like, God is in control. And I know that. It isn't helpful to me to hear it from others. I just want to hear an, "I'm sorry. It must be tough to keep waiting."

That being said, I feel like I have really learned a lot over these past few weeks. It has been a big journey of faith and doubt. I really thought that God would give us the January birth we had been praying for the whole time. And when He didn't, I said, "God, do you not care about us? Don't you care about what is best for us?" I was really discouraged, but then it occurred to me that perhaps God has some kind of bigger picture. Perhaps He knows what's best for us in other ways other than financially.

Today I had a nonstress test and an ultrasound; both went really well, and baby is healthy. We are really thankful to hear that everything is alright. TJ is very impatient at this point and probably would have agreed to induce today, but I want to wait a few more days to give Blake a chance to come on his own. I really do not want to have to induce labor, but we had to schedule it. So if Blake does not come on his own by Monday at noon, I will be induced then. Which brings me to my next doubtful moment. "God, do you not care about our desire to give birth naturally? Why would you start this labor out with drugs and set us up to need more drugs?" That's how I'm feeling right now. I'm hopeful just to know that by Tuesday, we will be holding our baby, but inducing is not how I wanted it to happen.

The good news is there are still almost four whole days for him to come naturally! We still pray that he will come before Monday, however TJ is not so hopeful that it will actually happen. I still hope. I'm trying to process what my mindset should be, though. Is it healthier for me to just think that labor will come on Monday and just be surprised and happy if it comes before then? Or should I continue to be hopeful that he will come sooner and perhaps be disappointed? I just don't know. What I know for sure is that my God is a God of blessing. God may not give us exactly what we had in mind, BUT His promise is to always take care of us and that everything will be to His glory. Thus, my new prayer regarding Blake's birth is that it would be for God's glory. If this is my purpose for everything, I cannot be disappointed that things don't happen according to my terms.

39.5 weeks: false alarm

So there I was at home, resting after doing some cleaning and organizing at my dad's house. I could tell my back was sore due to all the hard work, but then it started getting worse... so I thought maybe I'll just lie down and rest and feel better. But there was no position for my body to be in that made the pain lessen at all. Soon I was screaming and crying because it hurt so bad. I called my mom, and I told TJ he better come home from work because mom thought it could be labor starting. By this time, it was about 7 PM. We decided to go to the hospital, and we ran around finishing the labor bags just in case we would be staying.

The car ride to the hospital was just excruciating because my temperature kept fluctuating, and I felt so trapped in the car. My back hurt so bad I just couldn't even hardly breathe. I was already begging for an epidural and even a c-section. So there I am, in so much pain, and they make me come and check in at triage. They're asking me my phone number, address, emergency contact. They even asked me if I wanted to include my religious affiliation. I couldn't believe that I was sitting there, possibly in labor but definitely in pain, answering questions like this! They already had my information!

Finally we went to a room, and they hooked me up to a fetal heart rate monitor and a contraction monitor. I sort of had no choice but to lie in that uncomfortable bed in a certain position because of those monitors, so it wasn't fun. They were super busy in triage last night, so even when I pressed the help button, sometimes it took 20 minutes for someone to come.

They did two urine samples, and then they determined they needed to do an ultrasound because they started suspecting it was kidney stones. That ultrasound was the worst pain ever. She had to press on my kidney, where it was hurting the most. And then she was pressing really, really hard on my pelvic bone. I really felt like she was crushing my bones. I cried through the whole thing.

After that, I told them I needed pain meds. It took them probably a half an hour to get me a pill, and I'm not sure if the pill ended up helping me or not. 15 minutes after I took the pill, I vomited, so I might have expelled the pill anyway. I instantly felt better.

The doctor came in and told me that I had an inflamed kidney and a kidney stone. She told me I could stay at the hospital and be hooked up to an IV so it wouldn't be painful, or we could go home with a prescription for pain meds and wait for it to pass. I couldn't imagine staying in that hospital bed and gown for one more minute, so I opted to go home.

I was able to sleep through the night pain free, praise God! I haven't had any pain so far today, and I'm just drinking a lot of fluids to try to get this kidney stone to pass.

I am so SO thankful that I wasn't actually in labor, even though it was disappointing in some ways. I could not have survived a labor with that amount of back pain, not naturally anyway. So the 28th (the day TJ had been praying the baby would be born) has come and gone, and now, who knows. I'm preparing myself mentally for a February birth (a much bigger hospital bill) at this point. Guess we might be able to attend a Super Bowl party after all. Go Ravens! (I like that bright red color.)

39 weeks: being a hero

I've been saying to people that I would like to go all natural for Blake's birth, but I'm not going to tell them to refuse me the drugs if I beg. The phrase I keep hearing from people is, "You don't need to be a hero." And I keep agreeing with that because it gets my point across that I'm not going to refuse the drugs if I absolutely need them.

But I've been thinking... why shouldn't I be a hero?

I'm about to become a mom. And I want to be a hero to my kids, so labor/delivery seems like a good place to start.

Don't hear me wrong--I don't judge anyone who chooses to get an epidural or who needs to get a c-section. It's different for every woman. But I do hate how the hospitals just try to make money off of people and how getting an epidural or getting induced seems to have a snowball effect. And it's so easy to take advantage of a mother in labor who is in pain and whose main concern is the safety of her child. And what do we simple layman know about medicine? That's why I'm so thankful to be delivering at Women's and Babies with a midwife. In my experience at May Grant, I have not liked any of the doctors I've seen, but I have liked all of the midwives. The doctors keep pushing me to get more ultrasounds, for no good reason, and my midwife assures me that more ultrasounds would be unnecessary. So you tell me who is out for my good and who just wants my money. Unfortunately, these incidents have made me have trouble trusting doctors and labor interventions.

As I look forward to D-Day with excitement (and anxiety), I just can't wait to prove myself a hero. I feel like if I can deliver my son naturally, I can do anything. And that's a powerful way to start motherhood.

36 weeks: in defense of cloth

Here I am at 36 weeks. Getting big, but I'm hopeful that the weight gain is slowing and/or stopping soon!

I would like to give a defense for our choice to use cloth diapers, not that I think I owe any explanation, but just so you can understand our reasoning for such a decision. I have always felt burdened by the amount of disposable diapers that will lie in landfills for hundreds of thousands of years, but I didn't think there was any alternative until my wonderful friend Debby announced she would be using cloth diapers for her little one. I learned from Debby that cloth diapers are not what they used to be; in fact, they are quite easy to use and quite reliable. Let me lay out a few reasons why cloth is better:

1. They are cost-effective. I found a good priced brand of one size pocket diapers for which we paid approx. $6.50 each. In total, we paid about $200. Cloth diapering saves about $1000 per year, so considering that these diapers will take a baby from birth to potty training AND that you can use these diapers for subsequent children, that can add up to A LOT. (Of course if you pay your water bill, you would have to factor in the cost of doing more laundry. For us, that isn't an issue yet.)

2.They have super cute patterns. Sure, they might be more bulky than the disposable types, but who really cares?

3. Cloth diapered babies have less diaper rash. They are exposed to fewer chemicals, since disposable diapers are processed in factories and what not (this is clearly not a science lesson).

4. In case the idea of cloth diapering shocks you, let me take it one step further and tell you that we will be attempting to use cloth wipes. Yes, you read that correctly. Here's another great way to save money. And if you are already washing cloth diapers, you might as well wash some wipes, too.

5. Most importantly, going natural and utilizing reusable items is a way that I feel close to God. To me, it's important to take care of God's creation as much as I can, and using cloth diapers and wipes for our baby is one big way that I can do that. This is an important value for TJ and me, and we feel that it's a great way to introduce this value to our baby early on. So I really don't care what the naysayers have to say about our decision because to me, this is partly a faith issue.


I don't judge others for not making the same decision as us with this, BUT I do wish that parents would at least consider the option. I feel like our society doesn't even act like this is an option. We wonder whether we will have to use disposable diapers when we bring our children to the nursery at church or with babysitters, and it's kind of sad to me that we would have to do that. We will have to change our ways to accommodate and fit the norm. I hate the idea of it, but sadly, it might be what we have to do.

34 weeks: hey santa?

TJ and I have been discussing lately what we plan on doing with the whole Santa issue with our kids. We know that our parents and other family members will want to play up Santa, but we aren't sure about it because we want to make sure that our kids know the real reason for Christmas. It's no simple task to tell your children that Santa doesn't exist, though, because all the other kids will be talking about Santa once they get to school. I was one of those jerks in first grade who told others that Santa didn't exist, and I would hate for our kids to be like that. And how do you explain all the Santa decorations around peoples' houses?

My vision for Christmas is for our family to go out together every year to pick out gifts to donate to children who are less fortunate. I would love for our kids to be able to think about others and put aside their own desires at the toy store so they can bless another kid their age. But how do you incorporate Santa into that vision? How do you explain why Santa doesn't go to those kids' houses?

I would love to hear other Christian parents' advice on this topic because it's really important to us to focus on Jesus rather than the greed that so easily infects kids around the holidays. This isn't an easy decision to make, but thank God, we have another year until we have to deal with it. I don't quite have a satisfactory answer yet, but all I know is what some friends and mentors have told us to keep in the back of our minds about any decision: What are your family values, and what decision will be consistent with those values?

When it comes to the Christmas holiday, our family values are to enjoy time with family and to bless others. Jesus has to be at the center of everything we do, and during the Christmas season, that will be even more important to keep in mind as the focus of Christmas can too easily be about presents and busyness.

32 weeks

Our little "nursery" in the corner of our room. It's quite cozy!

So we bought our crib a few weeks ago, and TJ was going to put it together that night. But when we opened the box, the backboard piece had a few huge scratches in it! So I called the company, and they said they would mail us a new piece. So we waited patiently and got that piece about two weeks later. TJ opened that box and got ready, for the second time, to put the crib together, and this piece was scratched too! I was so upset. The scratches were not as bad on the second piece, so we decided to just go with it.

TJ put about 75% of the crib together, and then he realized that he had switched a left and a right pole. So he basically would have to take apart everything and start at the beginning. He was so frustrated! At that point, it was 10:30 at night, so I told him he had to wait until the next day to do it.

Anyway, as you can see, the crib is finished! We bought a cute mobile, and thanks to my lovely sister in law Amber, we had some cute stickers to put on the wall. I'll tell you what, if this boy doesn't grow up to love animals... well, let's just say, he is most likely going to either love animals or hate them based on the exorbitant amounts of animal prints he is going to see around him.

I'm at 32 weeks. Baby and Mom are both healthy, so I can't complain too much. I've been having some pain that the midwife said is probably caused by a varicose vain. It is painful to walk most of the time and to switch to my other side when sleeping. I'm 1.5 lbs heavier than I wish I was right now, since my goal is to gain no more than the recommended 30 lbs.