Ch-ch-ch-changes

 
I'm going to try this blogging thing again and see how it goes. So yes, I am pregnant! Only about 5 weeks, so it's premature to have told almost anyone, but I can't seem to keep my mouth shut. I really should just lock myself in my room for the next two months so I don't end up telling every acquaintance and their mother.

TJ and I are so excited! We've been trying for about three months (I stopped taking the pill at the beginning of February). As excited as we are, the biggest emotion we've been feeling this past week is fear. As people who are naturally prone to anxiety, we've both been afraid of losing the baby in our own ways. I'm afraid of exercising the wrong way or falling down/slamming into something, which isn't farfetched at all, believe me. I'm afraid of eating the wrong foods and not having enough of the essential nutrients. And TJ is afraid of putting too much pressure on my stomach.

I also got afraid recently that I somehow got my period (last month) during pregnancy, and I'm really two months pregnant. Haha, wouldn't that be something! Now THAT'S absurd. In an odd way, I think I just want to justify how fat I feel. HAHA!

I'm wondering if these fears that TJ and I have are really about the changes that are occurring in our lives. It's not only our baby that will change our lives drastically, but I am about to start a brand new job. Oh, and we're thinking of moving to a new apartment. It's a lot going on at one time. It's not that I don't actually have a fear of losing our baby, but this fear is probably rooted in something bigger. I don't know hardly anything about pregnancy, and I know even less about babies. Especially the newborns who can't hold their heads up, that's terrifying!

Change is always scary, especially when it's this big. But this change is so GOOD. And we are so thankful--much more than we are afraid. This process takes a lot of faith because I don't know what's going on inside of my body at any given moment. All I can do is trust God and do what I can to be healthy and pray that He blesses us with a beautiful, healthy baby. Preferably a girl.