New Job= New Levels of Exhaustion

Current pregnancy symptoms:
1. Exhaustion
2. Nausea

These two symptoms are not helpful as I'm transitioning to a full time job and spending most of my time in a Korean kitchen. I just started my second week of work at SelahArt, and it has been so exhausting trying to adjust to a new job and new schedule. The job is going well. I've mostly been cooking and cleaning so far, so I'm calling myself "house mother." I mostly work by myself, and it's nice because it's laid back enough for me to take rest breaks when I need to.

I'm at 8 weeks now, and I've been lucky with the start of the new job that I haven't had any morning sickness. The nausea, though, is pretty unbearable sometimes. Korean food has such strong smells that I can't even open the refrigerator without gagging. She asked me to clean out the refrigerator and check if the food was good or bad, and I had to tell her no.

Anyway, we haven't told the general public yet that we are expecting. We figured we would tell them after my ultrasound, which was going to be next Tuesday, but we now had to reschedule it for next Friday. I'm disappointed to have to wait longer, but it's probably for the best. I'm so terrible with secrets!!

7 weeks

So TJ and I are about to celebrate our one year anniversary this coming Monday. We scheduled a trip for Bushkill Falls for June 13th and 14th (this past Wed and Thurs) before we knew I was pregnant. Which wasn't a problem once we found out about the baby because I wasn't experiencing any morning sickness or nausea. Until that morning. We woke up in the morning to get ready, and I just knew I was going to get sick. Then I had to get in the car for a 2.5 hour ride. It was a terrible start to our trip.

We ended up having a nice trip, though. The highlight, for me, was the spontaneous stop we made at the Snake and Animal Farm. They had tons of snakes, including a giant 27 foot snake. They had monkeys, lemurs, a black panther, black bear, goats, pigs, and alligators. The highlight of the trip for TJ was going to trivia that night at the place we had dinner. I enjoyed trivia, too, but was kind of sick during it because I had too much to eat for dinner. I'm in the process of mentally adjusting my eating habits because while I can normally eat four chicken fingers, I need to eat smaller amounts now. It's kind of a pain in the butt. Anyway, we had a nice anniversary which ended with a nice, long hike at Bushkill Falls.

Having morning sickness is a good kick in the pants for me because I was having trouble being committed to eating healthier and exercising the right amount that I should be for the baby's health. This nausea is a constant reminder that there is a baby inside of me that needs to be nourished and taken care of. It's a blessing in disguise, I guess you could say. (How long I'll be able to keep that mindset, only time will tell!)

TJ and I went to my first prenatal doctor visit today, but it was a bit of a letdown. They made me pee in a cup to confirm that I am, in fact, pregnant. Then we waited in the room for what felt like an eternity before the doctor came in and talked to us about what to expect. She told us the due date would be February 1st but that the ultrasound that I'll have in three weeks will be able to tell more specifically. I told her how I was worried that maybe I was further along than I thought, and she didn't dispel the idea immediately, which didn't help my worrying state. So now I guess I have to wait three weeks to end my anxiety, at least over that detail anyway.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

 
I'm going to try this blogging thing again and see how it goes. So yes, I am pregnant! Only about 5 weeks, so it's premature to have told almost anyone, but I can't seem to keep my mouth shut. I really should just lock myself in my room for the next two months so I don't end up telling every acquaintance and their mother.

TJ and I are so excited! We've been trying for about three months (I stopped taking the pill at the beginning of February). As excited as we are, the biggest emotion we've been feeling this past week is fear. As people who are naturally prone to anxiety, we've both been afraid of losing the baby in our own ways. I'm afraid of exercising the wrong way or falling down/slamming into something, which isn't farfetched at all, believe me. I'm afraid of eating the wrong foods and not having enough of the essential nutrients. And TJ is afraid of putting too much pressure on my stomach.

I also got afraid recently that I somehow got my period (last month) during pregnancy, and I'm really two months pregnant. Haha, wouldn't that be something! Now THAT'S absurd. In an odd way, I think I just want to justify how fat I feel. HAHA!

I'm wondering if these fears that TJ and I have are really about the changes that are occurring in our lives. It's not only our baby that will change our lives drastically, but I am about to start a brand new job. Oh, and we're thinking of moving to a new apartment. It's a lot going on at one time. It's not that I don't actually have a fear of losing our baby, but this fear is probably rooted in something bigger. I don't know hardly anything about pregnancy, and I know even less about babies. Especially the newborns who can't hold their heads up, that's terrifying!

Change is always scary, especially when it's this big. But this change is so GOOD. And we are so thankful--much more than we are afraid. This process takes a lot of faith because I don't know what's going on inside of my body at any given moment. All I can do is trust God and do what I can to be healthy and pray that He blesses us with a beautiful, healthy baby. Preferably a girl.