It has been way too long since I've updated. Sorry to have left on such a depressing note, but I'm pleased to say that I am much more well adjusted these days to motherhood. I'm able to actually get sleep instead of being anxious all the time (and it doesn't hurt that Blake is sleeping longer stretches these days!) And I'm actually happy. I feel so much joy holding my little babe, that, in the times when he's screaming his head off at midnight, I can cope. Praise God! I know it's the power of prayer that got me through this adjustment period.
My prayers for myself have all been desperate pleas lately. "Please, God, just let me get two hours of sleep!" And when I asked for two, I was surprised to find that He gave me three. And when I've been staying up late with Blake this week when he is super fussy and inconsolable, Blake eventually goes to sleep and stays down for 5-6 hours! God has been blessing me abundantly, and by giving me what I need and more, He reminds me that I am still His daughter, even though I am a parent now. It's easy for me to feel like I don't matter anymore, but God wants me to know that I still have value, and He is still my father. This reminder is huge for me, but I don't know if I would have seen it quite so easily if it weren't for family and friends offering support to me. They have offered to stay over and take care of Blake so that I can sleep, and they have offered up wonderful meals so that I don't go hungry. They, also, remind me that I still matter and that, as I take care of Blake, I will be taken care of, too.
This reminder is so uplifting for me as a new parent because I need God's love over me now, more than ever, as I hold a precious child's life in my hands. And yet, as God is taking care of me, His precious child, I can trust that He is the one who holds Blake's life, not me. And that's a good thing.
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