12 weeks? WHAAAT?!

First off, Blake is 12 weeks old today. I can hardly believe it! He's growing at a good rate and has stayed pretty average for his age in weight, so I'm thankful for that. We are having a few issues lately, for which I am in troubleshooting mode. First, he refuses to take a bottle. This makes babysitting very difficult because I stress when I'm away from him, knowing he won't eat. The other issue is that he's not adjusted well, so far, to living at my dad's house. He pretty much constantly wants to be held, and he won't stay asleep in his crib. So since TJ and I need to sleep, we put him in our bed. I don't love this option, though it does make nighttime feedings easier. Plus he still tends to prefer 11pm for bedtime, I am hoping and praying to resolve these issues soon because I'm exhausted! Other than that, though, he's a good baby. He loves people. He laughs now, which is AMAZING! The volunteers at the nursery at church rave about him. Apparently, he's a big deal.

So remember the woman who was certain she had postpartum depression who was so mad that this tiny, fussy alien was taking her away from her husband? Well, she had to take a pregnancy test a month ago because she didn't get a period, though she figured it was because of breastfeeding. She was disappointed when the test came out negative. I know, I don't get it either. Who wants to be pregnant again with a three month old?! (Two month old at the time, actually!) Apparently me. Sensible me knows better though. We had to save up a lot of money for my pregnancy last year, plus we can't have two babies at my dad's house! I know sensible me and TJ will win this argument, but impulsive me is ready for #2!! And yet I wonder if I could ever share my love with another child because Blake is kind of my whole world right now.



Remember the woman who said maybe breast isn't best for me? I was so wrong! I mean, it would have been fine to stick with formula, but I'm so thankful I was able to get him back to breastfeeding after such early bottle feeding! The fact that my body provides the food for my son is such a beautiful, holy experience for me. It's also a very heavy calling. I feel such a weight on me when he doesn't eat. A few weekends ago, we walked the MS Walk, but it was not great timing for Blake's schedule, so he didn't get to eat beforehand. He was napping, so it didn't really matter, but I knew he shouldn't nap that whole walk, but when he woke up, he would be hungry. So when we had the choice of the short walk or the long one, I asked for the short one for Blake's sake, but the group wanted to do the long one. It was a mile and a half longer, which probably took half an hour. Everyone said Blake was sleeping, so he was fine. But I knew better. Anyway, Blake woke up as we finished our walk, having slept too long and gone too long without eating, He was hysterical, and I felt so emotional like I had starved my child. It broke my heart. NOW I know to advocate better for Blake. I ended up feeding him in the car then after the race. It was a good reminder that day that Blake has to come first in my life. And while that comes pretty easily for me, it doesn't for others, especially when they don't know Blake's needs like I do. As his mom, I know his needs better than anyone, so I just need to let others know and stick to it, even if it means me making a sacrifice and/or looking like a party pooper.