Several people have told me that they appreciate my honesty in my blog. Vulnerability has always been a quality of mine that I readily display because, well, I just have too many darn emotions to even try to hide them! But the willingness to be open and vulnerable takes a new form when it comes to being a momma. We all want to be perfect moms and do EVERYTHING right for our little ones. We worry we will permanently mess up our kids when, for example, they will only fall asleep while nursing. If we let it, anxiety can really tire us out, and seriously, as a parent, aren't we already tired enough?
At first I found it interesting that people would mention my honesty because why wouldn't people be open and honest about what their experiences are like and how they're dealing with them? But now that I see online forums and comments at the end of blog entries, I get it. Moms are hard on other moms. They're judgmental and critical. "OMG I can't believe that child still has a pacifier!" "OMG I can't believe that child is still in diapers!" And believe me, I'm guilty of doing this too (but at least it's only in my head). Why are we cutting each other down so much? We're all on the same team here, mom to mom. Don't we all have the goal of raising good and happy children? It's not easy to be open and honest about your experiences when you know that other moms are out there judging you.
Today I was looking at a blog that was about a mother bringing her young infant to the beach for the first time. The mother mentioned that she found it important to cover herself while breastfeeding on the beach. This launched a HUGE argument between readers who just had to comment with their opinion on breastfeeding in public. And it made me feel like I wanted to crawl in my shell with my own opinions and practices because I didn't want to be judged. And it's difficult knowing that when my son is hungry, and I decide to feed him in public, whether I wear a cover or not is going to be highly judged by every person who sees me. But what does anyone know about why I might not cover up? Blake gets overheated very easily, so covering him up makes him upset and fussy. So if I could find a way to stay modest enough and not wear a nursing cover, I would do it because otherwise, my child won't eat.
I'm definitely guilty of judging other moms on their decisions, but I'm trying not to be because I know we all (or at least most of us) are trying to do the best we can for our children in the best way that we know how. And I don't know the challenges that other moms are facing in these areas that lead to the parenting decisions they have made. If we didn't judge each other so much, maybe more people could feel comfortable being honest about their difficulties. It takes a huge load off your chest when you can say how you're feeling, but so many of us are just trying to keep it all together for the public. And who could blame them, when they're faced with a jury of peers who are all too ready to give their opinion.
Cutting another mom down by saying or writing a judgy comment is not what honesty looks like. People like to say something mean to others and then say, "Sorry. I'm just being honest." Honesty is being able to openly share your experiences without undermining another person's experiences. And if more of us moms could feel free to be honest about our experiences, maybe we wouldn't feel so pressured to get everything right because we would realize that not even one of us is getting everything right.
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